Grown Folks Friendships

This is based on an observation of friendship from the perspective of a grown-up. I perceive that it is difficult when you are an adult to make new friends. Usually it is because of whatever life experiences you have had that either turn you off from trying or that cause you to be especially cautious to let your guard down and befriend someone. I came up with 35 questions to ask yourself when you are evaluating your friendship circle or admitting new people into your friendship space. So get out your pen and journal and use these questions to analyze your Grown Folk Friendships. For starters, think about the circle you may have currently:

Are you someone who does not have the friend group that you desire?
Do they reach out to you from time to time?
Are you in constant contact or is it random?
When you hear from them is it because they want something or are they checking in on you?
Do they listen to you or only vent to you?
Are they constantly wanting your attention or do they understand you have other friends and other priorities?
Is this a transactional friendship- they get something from you and you get something in return?
Are they reliable?
Can you trust them with very sensitive private information?
Do they encourage you?
Are they overly critical?
Do they invite you to do things?
Do they congratulate you when you have a minor and/or major accomplishment?
Do they only talk about themselves?
Are they always asking about your life but not sharing about their own?
Do they ask to use or borrow something from you most of the time without regard to your need for it?
Can you trust them not to take advantage of you financially?
Do they drag you into their drama or traumatic events?
Do they speak up for you when you are not around?
Do they have your back when you are being unfairly "attacked" about something?
Do they have honest conversations with you about what is going on in your life?
Can they have mentally stimulating conversations with you?
Can you be yourself around them?
Do they join in on criticizing you and putting you down when others do the same?
How much do you know about them? Do you truly feel close or distant?
If a long length of time passed that you haven't talked or seen each other, is it awkward when you reconnect?
Do they acknowledge your presence wherever you are?
Do they include you in their personal life?
How vulnerable are you with one another?
Would you categorize them as an acquaintance, friend, close friend, best friend, or like a sibling (sister or brother)?
Do they respect your thoughts and opinions?
Do they listen to you?
Do they trust you enough to share their thoughts and opinions?
Are they happy for you?
Do you feel like they are only around when things are going good?

We hope this unexhausted list of questions is a helpful guide in your journey to having more meaningful friendships as an adult. On a personal note, I have always been one to mentally categorize my friends. But one thing is for sure, I love consistency. If we genuinely consider each other friends in our lives then I expect us to acknowledge one another in any setting. I also expect that we can respect one another and speak kindly of each other in and out of being present.

My wish for you is that you experience true and genuine friendships as an adult. Your circle may be small but that is a solid connection worth keeping. Even in a disagreement, you can come back together, address it, and move forward. There is NO competition, NO comparison, NO judgement, and NO animosity that persists between you. Just LOVE, ENCOURAGEMENT, SUPPORT, and CONSISTENCY.

Let me know if you'd like more information on this topic. Your Friendships Journey, Your Positive Steps

Peace,

Anjalon Wimbush, LMSW

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